Facing 'No' to Grow: Exploring the Impact of Rejection Therapy

By Heartscape Psychology Intern, Valeree Soh

“Rejection Therapy” is not something new. In fact, a quick search on YouTube will show you that it has made its presence known as early as a decade ago.

This YouTuber, Jia Jiang, did 100 days of “Rejection Therapy” in order to teach himself to overcome his fear of rejection. Talk about commitment. He was even invited to give a TED Talk in 2017 to share about his experience of “Rejection Therapy” (Here’s the link if you’re interested: What I learned from 100 days of rejection | Jia Jiang | TED). 

Recently, however, rejection therapy has been making a resurgence on TikTok. There have been a ton of content creators who have begun their own journeys with rejection therapy, and are posting daily updates on the platform. For those of you who are confused with this new trend, fear not. I’ve gone through countless videos of “Rejection Therapy” on TikTok, and even watched that 15-minute long TED Talk which I linked above, so that you don’t have to. Let me bring you through what exactly rejection therapy is, what it entails, why it seems to work for so many, and some potential reasons for why it may not work for some. 

Rejection therapy started off as a self-help game created by Jason Comely. The aim of the game was to be rejected by someone or a group. The player was meant to attempt any kind of social rejection, and if they were successfully rejected (Yes, that sounds paradoxical… How can you call being rejected a success?), they would win! In its current context, rejection therapy is no longer a game. There’s no winning, but it is supposed to bring about self-improvement. It is somewhat of a social challenge, where people go out of their way to put themselves in positions where they are more likely to get rejected than not. They take social risks, do embarrassing stunts, and their ultimate goal is to overcome their fear of getting rejected. 

The goal of rejection therapy is not to get someone to say “No”, though. Sometimes, these people sharing their journeys on TikTok are rewarded with a “Yes” by strangers, and they are pleasantly surprised. It is the hope of individuals participating in rejection therapy that the more they get ignored, laughed at, or judged, the more accustomed they become to the feelings of social anxiety, embarrassment, and even the sting of rejection. It teaches them firsthand that being rejected is not the end of the world.

Given the sheer number of people participating in this, it begs the question: How legitimate is it? Though the term “rejection therapy” contains “therapy” in it, it is actually not a treatment method that is recognised by mental health professionals. However, it is rooted in the practices of exposure therapy which is backed by scientific evidence. Exposure therapy and techniques have proven to be effective and efficacious in mental health care (Foa & McLean, 2016; McLean et al., 2022). 

A majority of those who have attempted rejection therapy have asserted that they have experienced positive effects, such as a boost in confidence, this may not be universally applicable. Every individual has had different experiences, and require different “solutions” to solve any challenges that they may be facing. Rejection therapy, as cool as it sounds, might not work for all. In particular, it does not necessarily target the root cause of one’s issues. Sure, rejection therapy helps you overcome the fear of rejection. Yet, what if this fear of rejection stems from a deeper source? If this is left unaddressed, the change in thoughts, feelings, and behaviour may only be temporary. 

Furthermore, rejection therapy is a self-help method. As seen from the herd of people participating in this new trend, they are doing it on their own, without the help of a mental health professional. Of course, most people will be a little anxious over doing things out of the norm and would definitely feel fearful of being rejected outrightly. Rejection therapy might work for them, as it pushes them out of their comfort zone to try something new. For instance, this TikTok user @maureensmarketing applied for Harvard as a joke (Harvard is known to have a notoriously low acceptance rate), and actually got waitlisted instead of flat out rejected. She also applied for a marketing job meant for college graduates with a few years of experience in the field, and actually got the job despite not having a college degree. The lessons she wanted to share with her viewers were, “If you wanna do something, apply,” and “Go get yourself rejected.” In fact, engaging in rejection therapy may even allow you to gain greater insight into yourself, as it gives you the space to reflect on reasons for your fear of rejection.

However, there are also some who have been diagnosed with a mental health condition such as an anxiety disorder, or having (specific) phobias. This means that their symptoms are debilitating enough to affect functioning, and this self-help rejection therapy method is probably not suitable for them. Instead, they should seek professional care, where under the watchful eye of a licensed practitioner, they will be led through exposure therapy if necessary, alongside other treatment elements. As a self-help method, rejection therapy is neither systematic nor proven effective in the scientific context. This means that there are no proper steps and management procedures in place, and it might not even work to reduce the symptoms that an individual with such mental health disorders might encounter. It might even worsen their symptoms, and is definitely dangerous for them to attempt it on their own. 

The bottom line is this: there is much room for growth in discomfort. Personal growth is always encouraged, but the approach to this differs depending on individuals. Be careful to set clear boundaries for yourself, and know what you are capable of handling. If you are unsure, try not to jump into this on your own. Instead, either ensure you have a strong support system with you when you attempt it, or speak to a trusted professional.

References 

Foa, E. B., & McLean, C. P. (2016). The Efficacy of Exposure Therapy for Anxiety-Related Disorders and Its Underlying Mechanisms: The Case of OCD and PTSD. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 12(1), 1–28. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-021815-093533 

McLean, C. P., Levy, H. C., Miller, M. L., & Tolin, D. F. (2022). Exposure therapy for PTSD: A meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 91, 102115. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2021.102115